Maybe It's a Southside Thing

First off, congratulations to the 2005 World Series champs Chicago White Sox. Of course, now the champs have some serious expectations to live up to: those fans are going to expect a World Series championship every 88 years.

Note to manager Ozzie Guillen: when celebrating, please refrain from kissing members of the same sex on the lips. You're not Sheryl Swoopes, you know.

How Do You Spell Overrated? V-I-C-K

Michael Vick Is the WORST QB EVER!

I can’t stand by any more and listen to football “experts” as they heap praise worthy of the almighty upon a mere mortal of a man: Michael Vick.

Let’s review his stats from last night’s victory over the Jets:

11 of 26 passing for 116 yards and 3 INTs with a career low 16.3 passer rating. He ran for 2 TDs, denying the end zone to the hard working Warrick Dunn who abused the Jets defense for 155 yards on 24 carries.

Vick is a freak of nature athletically. He’s strong, fast, has a cannon for an arm, and did I mention fast? But he is a horrible QB. I’m sure fantasy owners love him, but Matt Schaub, Vick’s backup, is a better passer and smarter player than Vick. Is Vick allergic to his receivers? What is his aversion to passing?

Vick should covert to RB and do what he loves to do—run. He sure can’t pass worth shit.

Disclaimer: I do not have Vick on my fantasy football team nor do I root for the Falcons. I just think he’s a terrible QB.

Charles Barkley, Style Maven

From the October 21 edition of The Daily Quickie:
Charles Barkley offered the most interesting and authoritative take yet supporting the NBA dress code. Here's the money quote from Leno on Wednesday night:

"Young black kids dress like NBA players. Unfortunately, they don't get paid like NBA players. So when they go out in the real world, what they wear is held against them.

"See, these players make $10 million to $15 million a year, so nobody cares how they dress. But regular black kids go out into the real world and how they dress is held against them.

"If a well-dressed white kid and a black kid wearing a do-rag and throwback jersey came to me in a job interview, I'd hire the white kid. That's reality. That's the No. 1 reason I support the dress code."

I'm in favor of the NBA's new dress code...well, most of it. I have some issues with it but I think it's a good idea. With Barkley's perspective, I now think it's a great idea.

There are times when I just love Barkley.
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Update: No less an authority on dress codes than Michael Vick has offered his opinion on the matter:

"It's a crazy situation,'' Vick said. "I don't know why people with power would make them dress the way that they want them to dress. Those guys are professionals, but at the same time we are all grown (men).''

Hey Michael? Don't you get paid millions of dollars by a league that fines players for wearing their socks the wrong way? Besides, Mister Ron Mexico, your alternative jersey runs contrary to your league's dress code.

The Bird Man of Alcatraz

It's a good thing this guy isn't a Wayne Gretzky fan.

The REAL Question Is...

...Can Mike Davis really coach?

Seth Davis from SI.com believes the biggest question surrounding the upcoming basketball season for the Indiana Hoosiers is leadership:

5. Indiana: Will a leader emerge who is worth following?

This is the most talented team Mike Davis has had in his six years as head coach, including the 2002 squad that lost to Maryland in the NCAA championship game. That team, however, had gritty leaders such as Jared Jeffries and Tom Coverdale. The problem for this year's edition is that its best player, 6-9 D.J. White, is a sophomore, which means it won't be easy for him to assert himself as a locker room force. There's also a potential chemistry problem since White also plays the same position as the Hoosiers' best newcomer, 6-8 Marco Killingsworth, a transfer from Auburn.

I sort of agree with Mr. Davis. Will a leader emerge who is worth following? Looking over the roster, finding a leader will be difficult. The two Auburn transfers, Marco Killingsworth and Lewis Monroe, should provide senior leadership along with Marshal Strickland. Now that Bracey Wright left early for the NBA, gone is the need to stand around and wait for him to shoot. Leadership should bubble up from these three players on the court and in the locker room.

My worry comes from the “leader” on the bench. Coach Mike Davis has been embattled his entire tenure as IU’s coach. And for good reason. After Knight’s Kids finally graduated or left early, the team was left with only Mike’s Kids and Hoosier basketball has been worst for the wear.

Mike’s Kids have a propensity for bad fundamentals: sloppy passing, lazy cuts, slow responses, missed blockouts, bad picks, and hardly any basketball smarts.

All of that comes from coaching and Davis has yet to show me that he can truly coach basketball at this level. It’s one thing to draw up plays and lecture the team, it’s another to hone the skills of the players into a single unit that can execute the plays. The Hoosiers have failed to execute.

Davis blamed the youth of the team, among other things. He has yet to fully take responsibility for the on-court actions of this team. This year, he has no excuse.

This year, Davis must show me he can coach. The deck is stacked against him as the past two years have slowly tilted me towards the He’s-a-fucking-idiot-who-has-no-idea-what-he’s-doing side.

Don’t question the player’s leadership, Sports Illustrated. Question the coach.

A-Rod to Mommy: Please Tell Them Why I Played So Badly

A-Rod’s mommy wants the world to know that her baby boy was sad over the death of his uncle and, therefore, unable to perform during the division series with the Angels.

First, my sincere condolences to the Rodriguez and Navarro families on the death of Augusto.

Second, two questions for A-Rod’s mom:

1. Did somebody die during the 2004 ALCS?
2. Ever hear of Brett Favre?

Written by Harper. Posted by Spork Boy.

The New Poster Boy for Loser

Don’t you love how A-Rod is the poster boy for the Yankees’ loses? You don’t see Jeter on the cover—maybe because he actually hits in the clutch!!!

Thanks for the Memories, FOX

Written by Harper. Posted by Spork Boy.

Hats off to the FOX director for last night’s Game 5 of the Division Series between the Angels and Yankees.

Man, if you were here right now, I would kiss you. Your keen eye for what the game is all about left me with the greatest image of the playoffs so far. Let me describe it to you readers who were not fortunate enough to see it.

Let’s cut to the seventh inning. The Angels are ahead 5-2. Mr Yankee himself, Derek Jeter, once again proves he is the heart and soul of the Bronx Bombers, smashing a dinger to bring his team to within two. Now, let’s zoom in on the next batter. It’s A-Rod. Let’s bring up his statistics on the screen, please. Good. Now let’s leave them there for a few more moments so the announcers can talk about the .238 batting average for the series and the ZERO RBIs. Good. Okay, let’s get a nice good close-up of A-Rod, especially that scowl he gives the pitcher. Good. Good stuff.

Let’s cut to the top of the eighth. The Yanks are still down 5-3. Let’s pan the Yankee dugout. Hey, whoa! Hold it there. Hey, look at this. It’s A-Rod, who is the sixth hitter due up, standing in the dugout swinging a bat. Come on, we need to zoom in on the face. Look at that. It’s the “Man, I am going to swing this bat until I am up because I am so ready to smack the crap out of the ball and I want the whole world to see I am a man, a real man, and that I am so ready for this next at-bat so you’d better watch out ” face. This is great stuff.

Let’s cut to the top of the ninth. Jeter does it again: single to center. All the Yanks need is one swing to tie the game. And man, wouldn’t it really help if the league leader in home runs was up right now. Oh wait, he is. A-Rod is up. Good. Good tension here. Let’s get a close-up of A-Rod’s face because we know from his dugout antics that he is very ready for this moment. Let’s see that scowl again. Yup, he’s ready. This is his chance to erase the memory of ZERO ribbies for the series. This is his chance to for once show his worth in the post-season. This is his chance to…to…to hit into a double play. Replay, please. Replay. Yes, a double play. It’s a 6-4-3 double play.

Let’s cut to the Angels fans. Let’s cut to A-Rod. Let’s cut to the Angels fans. Let’s cut to A-Rod. Close-up on A-Rod, please. Hmm. He seems to be chewing on something. Might it be the ZERO ribbies for the series? Chew on that all winter, A-Fraud.

Thanks, FOX director. You were on your game last night. It was a thing of beauty.

Extra! Extra! Spork Boy Calls It Atlanta's Year

Based on the massive amounts of baseball knowledge at my disposal and my amazing sense about these sorts of things, here is my NHL postseason analysis:

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Do you like your sox bloody or bleached?
The battle of the foot accessories gets nasty in the Windy City. Boston has not been a good road team and its starting pitching has been spotty. Chicago has played well for most of the year but nearly lost it all at the end but gritted out a division title. Chicago has the better pitching, but the Sox can hit. The baseball adage goes good pitching always beats good hitting. Plus, it’s a short series.
Chicago beats Boston. (caveat, if Boston wins game one, it will win this series).

Can the heavenly hosts prevail?
Yes. I don’t want to waste valuable brain processing on the Yankees.
Angels over the Yankees

Which way will the wind blow?
Because I don’t know better, and since the Red Sox ended their losing ways last year, it’s time for another team of perpetual losers to step up this year.
White Sox over Angels (which will be one of the biggest “Who Gives a Flying Fu@k” series in recent memory).

NATIONAL LEAGUE

Religions smack down: The Cardinals against the Padres
The greatest religious battle since the crusades takes place this year with the holy Cardinals taking on the pious Padres. Bah. The Padres suck. Even if the Cardinals didn’t finish strong they’ll have too much for the suckiest team to win a division in recent memory.
Cardinals over the Padres (hopefully it will be mercifully quick).

Home of the Braves or the final countdown for The Rocket?
The Astros have the pitching and if the stars align, this team should go far. But the Braves perpetual under achievement in the post season ends this year. Yep, you heard it hear first.
Braves over the Astros.

Let me say it again…
The Braves perpetual under achievement in the post season ends this year.
Braves over the Cardinals.

WORLD SERIES

I’m tired of typing. Besides, the Braves perpetual under achievement in the post season ends this year. Meanwhile, Fox executives hang themselves as two lower brand-name teams slug it out for the worst WS ratings in the last decade.
Braves over the White Sox

The ultimate winner? Congress and Bud Selig for their self0indulgent battle against the scourge of steroids.

All this begs the question: Is it time for college basketball yet?