Extra! Extra! Spork Boy Calls It Atlanta's Year

Based on the massive amounts of baseball knowledge at my disposal and my amazing sense about these sorts of things, here is my NHL postseason analysis:

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Do you like your sox bloody or bleached?
The battle of the foot accessories gets nasty in the Windy City. Boston has not been a good road team and its starting pitching has been spotty. Chicago has played well for most of the year but nearly lost it all at the end but gritted out a division title. Chicago has the better pitching, but the Sox can hit. The baseball adage goes good pitching always beats good hitting. Plus, it’s a short series.
Chicago beats Boston. (caveat, if Boston wins game one, it will win this series).

Can the heavenly hosts prevail?
Yes. I don’t want to waste valuable brain processing on the Yankees.
Angels over the Yankees

Which way will the wind blow?
Because I don’t know better, and since the Red Sox ended their losing ways last year, it’s time for another team of perpetual losers to step up this year.
White Sox over Angels (which will be one of the biggest “Who Gives a Flying Fu@k” series in recent memory).

NATIONAL LEAGUE

Religions smack down: The Cardinals against the Padres
The greatest religious battle since the crusades takes place this year with the holy Cardinals taking on the pious Padres. Bah. The Padres suck. Even if the Cardinals didn’t finish strong they’ll have too much for the suckiest team to win a division in recent memory.
Cardinals over the Padres (hopefully it will be mercifully quick).

Home of the Braves or the final countdown for The Rocket?
The Astros have the pitching and if the stars align, this team should go far. But the Braves perpetual under achievement in the post season ends this year. Yep, you heard it hear first.
Braves over the Astros.

Let me say it again…
The Braves perpetual under achievement in the post season ends this year.
Braves over the Cardinals.

WORLD SERIES

I’m tired of typing. Besides, the Braves perpetual under achievement in the post season ends this year. Meanwhile, Fox executives hang themselves as two lower brand-name teams slug it out for the worst WS ratings in the last decade.
Braves over the White Sox

The ultimate winner? Congress and Bud Selig for their self0indulgent battle against the scourge of steroids.

All this begs the question: Is it time for college basketball yet?